


The Fandom Arises

by Project0506



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, One Shot, Silly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 10:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20655896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Project0506/pseuds/Project0506
Summary: Kakashi centralizes the Icha Icha Fandom.





	The Fandom Arises

Kakashi doesn't think he compares to Jiraiya-sama, not in the least. The man has a truly enviable grasp on subtle turn of phrase and the greatest eye for folds and drapes that hint in ways even more erotic than showing. Jiryaiya-sama is a master of his craft, let no one dare deny it.

(Else Kakashi will fight you. In the face.)

The thing is, though, that Jiraiya-sama is gleefully, viciously, irrevocably straight. (Or, if you're truly a connoisseur of his works and a bit of a genius gifted in looking beneath-the-beneath, tragically, desperately, and obliviously closeted.) And while Kakashi is and always will be ever so fond of the way Machiko-chan tilts her head _just so_ when Seichiro-sama nibbles _just there_, Kakashi just can't help but think that the whole third chapter of Violence #5 would have been greatly improved if Satoshi-kun had just kicked Seichiro's feet out from under him and promptly shoved a hand down his hakama.

It's nothing more than an idea for a while, an odd little brain-doodle of a what-if that bubbles up in the long stretches of boredom nobody tells you make up 85% of ANBU ops. 'Would there have been a war,' he wonders on day 5 of what ends up being an 18 day stakeout, if neither of the feudal lords felt the young prince had wronged their busty daughters? 'Would Satoshi still have died tragically stepping in front of a poisoned needle meant for his dear childhood friend?' he ponders once he's lost and/or killed his tail and settled in for the 32 hour run back to Konoha. 'Could everyone have the happily ever after that never exists in real life?' he contemplates over a bowl of high-calorie mush meant to prod his chakra coils into filling up faster.

“What about Machiko!” cries Ebisu, a berk of a chuunin made just tolerable by being a fellow enthusiast. “Where does her happy ending come in?” Kakashi thinks long and hard on that one for about 8 seconds.

“Clearly loyal, supple handmaiden Hana would sweetly ease her woes.”

The two men contemplate that for a blissful second, before Kakashi remembers that the chuunin currently possesses all the paperwork required to spring him from the prison Konoha calls a hospital.

It becomes kind of a thing a month later, when Kakashi is back in his least favorite place, damaged enough that there's no escaping through the window. He's trapped for the foreseeable future and granted no distractions but the pen and forms required for an after action report.

He doesn't do the report. He's got a reputation to live down to.

A week after that, paperwork-chuunin Inuzuka Hige runs him to ground in training ground 15, waving his not-report like a declaration of war. “If you leave this on a cliffhanger I will _gut you like a boar_,” she roars and in fear for his balls, Kakashi turns out ten thousand words of slow, sweet, 'incredibly glad we both somehow survived' hardcore yaoi fix-it in less than a day.

It becomes absolutely a thing after that. There are _message boards_ in admin building basements where first his, then others', hand-scribbled fiction is pinned up, and tiny post-its of praise are pinned up under it. It seems like the village had been waiting poised on an exhale for someone, anyone, to start the tide. Because then there _is _a flood, spanning volumes and series and worlds, scratched on anything from expensive calligraphy paper to the margins of a BBQ menu and distributed on an old clunker of a photocopier that in some accounting somewhere has been listed as both non-functional and disposed.

It becomes so much more than him.

Someone starts illustrating, and someone else starts coloring. And yet someone else starts writing fictional derivations of _Kakashi's own derivation_ and this, he thinks, is what it must feel like to be happy.

(Frankly penname Nekomata makes Kakashi wish his wasn't the first tacked to the wall. Her time-travelling, world-building epic is so goddamn astounding he finds himself first in line next to the photocopier every Tuesday morning like clockwork to get his print.)

His nose isn't always buried in Icha Icha any more, though you'd have to know him better than most do to even notice behind the lurid orange covers he tacks on everything. He's still unflinchingly loyal to the classic originals but now his horizons have been blown wide open. There's a new wave of pornography storming across the hidden continent and Kakashi has to stay at the forefront of it all to remain a big name in fan-writing. Viva la fucking revolution!

(Oh _my_ Kentarou-kun, what could you and Takeshi-kun _possibly_ do with those soft, smooth tentacles you've sprouted? We should all find out~)


End file.
